The choices we make, as far back as childhood, impacts us for the rest of our lives. I don't know what to do with the mistakes I've made, I don't know how to correct the wrongs I've done.
"How can you know? You make a choice, you do what you think is right at the time. The plan is you meet a guy, fall in love, have a family, but you have to be specific. Be older than 15, meet the right guy, stay in love. "
I can't help but wonder if this was my ultimate mistake. Falling in love with someone who could never love me the way I needed. Further more, creating a child with him was an amazing consequence but he ties me to him forever. As if the emotional connection we once shared wasn't enough. I'm just too broken I think. To add insult to injury I recently asked his brother if it would bother him if I removed him from facebook since he and I never got along and it just bothered me that he could see what was happening in my life. He got belligerent and called me the c word and pretty much told me that my car wasn't really mine and that all I am is a moocher and worthless. He made me feel even more worthless by telling me that all I do is lie and my next husband will have to deal with my fat ass.
Really?! As if he knows anything about the situation. He has three kids, and I don't butt in on his business but he feels he can go and accuse me of not letting Roman's father see him. Further more neither of them feel they should have to pay for their children. You want to have access to them but you don't want to help support them because you think their mothers are thieving whores. Seriously! I'm overly upset about the whole ordeal and I just can't let it go because there's things that people don't see and could never understand. I can never understand why a father wouldn't want to support his child and would go out of his way to not get paid so the other parent doesn't get child support. I just don't understand.
Onto happier things since I'm beginning to get more upset than I need to right now. Roman, Zach and I went to the ocean last friday and then Dad (grumpy), Roman and I went on Saturday. Roman likes to demolish the sandcastles we tried to build for him, which I chalk up to being a boy. Dad buried Roman and he didn't really enjoy not being able to move. He was fine when we just buried his legs as long as he could see his toes. I love taking Roman to the beach, he is so full of energy that it's amazing. I'm so blessed to have him.
Yesterday I bought him size 9 shoes, wow does time fly it seems like just yesterday that I was in labor and crying for the nurse to make him get out. Now he's almost 2! Baby Bo, My cousin just turned 1! Time flies! I'll be graduated in just barely 3 weeks time, I can't believe it. Before I know it my son will be the one graduating college with his two cousins and I'll be alone again. Maybe by then I'll have gotten it right in the love department by then and will have found my actual soul mate. God do I sound lame.
