Roman coloring his face with chalk.... he looks like the Joker

Nana showing Roman how to flap his arms now that he has feathers

Playing at the school bus toy while waiting at his doctor's appointment

Roman poking Nana in the eye :(

Roman smooshing Nana's face

More adventures....

Stupid blog won't let me post them all at once... so here's some more
Adventuring by Nana's painted bench, he's got a goatee of chalk.... yum

Brushing his teeth... this is entertaining stuff


Climbing trees (with a little help from mommy)... and surveying his playground.

Roman beating up the TV aka the cookie monster

Pedi-Spa ing Jodi's feet... lucky kid (lucky he didn't die by feet stink) ha ha ha ha

Roman update

Roman has been a busy little man lately. Here are some of his adventures...
Roman discovered he could almost fit under his rocking chair.
Roman loves blowing bubbles, he also loves carrying around his bubble refill.

Getting down and dirty at Nana's house.

Pedi-spa feet time, this was after he tried to do Nana's and Aunty Jodi's feet....
Eating an otter pop.... it ended up all over my sock.... and my ankle :(

Burden upon the man

Love and Marriage. In today's world usually linked, not many of Americans are in arranged marriages anymore. When someone asks your hand in marriage they actually want to spend the rest of their life with you. Isn’t that how it goes? It isn’t because you don’t think anything better will come along? This seems to be the case for me because when I said my vows, I meant them. I would do whatever it took to make my marriage work, UNLESS I got nothing in return. I asked time and time again for emotional response back and I got nothing. He didn’t need me. He just tolerated me. He loathed me, cause he failed George Fox and had to take online classes because I got pregnant and then he told me not to work cause he had it covered. While deep down he just wanted control over me and what I could or couldn’t do because he had the money and the power because I stopped hanging out with my friends who didn’t like him and I made him my world. He didn’t do the same, he didn’t care. I was just a burden, a hindrance. I kept him from playing on his Xbox, from sleeping all day, and spending his money on whatever he wanted. He’s got the life he wants now and I’m obsolete. I’ll just follow his lead and move on too. I’ve got friends now who care and I’ve got a wonderful son who is my world. It just hurts that someone who asked YOU to marry them, it was what he wanted can just ignore you. I guess I should be used to it because he did it for 90% of the marriage. I’m just emotional I guess.

Obsession

Roman sleeping, yea I'm that mom

Peek-A-Boo

Where should I go in mom's shoes? HMMMMM Oddly enough he didn't want to wear my converse shoes.

Hey! This is my hide-out get your own!

He loves shoes!

Photo updates

Roman enjoying being a closet monster....

Mom found me! My invisibility shield is malfunctioning!

Enjoying Spongebob from his awesome laundry basket of a chair....


Roman and Zach playing with the closet door mirror

More laundry basket fun

Pathetic

"You shattered my world of glass. Leaving me standing in a blood filled puddle of dreams." How can someone who supposedly wanted to spend the rest of their life with you let you just walk away? How can that same someone be SO UNBELIEVABLY COLD? Every time I needed something emotional from him nothing, but when I asked for something financial he could make it happen. Now all of a sudden nothing, it’s his way or the highway. Then I look back on the memories of our relationship and it was always that way. When I wanted to get a job to help us, he wanted to bowl and wanted me to support his decision. I did, because I believed that I wouldn’t have been a good partner if I didn’t support his decision. He in turn didn’t support mine; accept for the desire to finish school. That was the only one he supported. It’s funny how in a relationship one person has more power, even if only by a little. He was that person. He didn’t need me, he just wanted someone to be there at the end of the day to sleep next to but he didn’t want a partner in life. I wasn’t okay with coming in second and never having my emotional needs noticed, which led me to many problems, which I’m not going to rehash at this moment. I’m tender enough as it is. I genuinely needed him, not just for financial support but the emotional stuff to. I was attached to him fully, but he never was to me. I don’t actually think he can emotionally attach himself to anyone now that I step back and take a look (as best as I can). I won’t ever be over the destruction of one of the most important relationships in my life but since it’s finally over and I can get as much closure as possible out of it I can move on. I have best friends who love me and are there for me, night or day. I don’t need someone who doesn’t need me, let alone want me. I need someone who is loyal and doesn’t have to one up me every time I share a piece of my life.
At the moment I feel something like this, “Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together. It's so curious: one can resist tears and 'behave' very well in the hardest hours of grief. But then someone makes you a friendly sign behind a window, or one notices that a flower that was in bud only yesterday has suddenly blossomed, or a letter slips from a drawer... and everything collapses.” I feel like I’m made of glass and will break at any moment, but I realize now that I shouldn’t settle for second best. I deserve to get everything I ask for because I am a catch.
I cook, I clean, I’m emotionally present, I care about sports, I know a little about cars, I believe every guy needs guy time frequently, I don’t hog the bed, I enjoy sex, even though sometimes I’m moody I can almost always tell you why even if you can’t, I do laundry, I’m self motivated, I love my family, and really the list goes on but I am sick of the let down really. I wonder if I’ll ever really get over the divorce. I feel like I should do something extreme. I’m not sure what exactly though. I feel like a failure that I couldn’t stick it out but I couldn’t take being ignored and having my feelings and needs not count, because they do. I have to believe they do, that I as a person matter and should be treasured. When someone makes that serious of a commitment you never think it’s going to end, and when it does you try to pick up the pieces which in theory is easy. The execution of said plan isn’t. Especially when there’s the constant reminders.

Hurting

The choices we make, as far back as childhood, impacts us for the rest of our lives. I don't know what to do with the mistakes I've made, I don't know how to correct the wrongs I've done.

"How can you know? You make a choice, you do what you think is right at the time. The plan is you meet a guy, fall in love, have a family, but you have to be specific. Be older than 15, meet the right guy, stay in love. "

I can't help but wonder if this was my ultimate mistake. Falling in love with someone who could never love me the way I needed. Further more, creating a child with him was an amazing consequence but he ties me to him forever. As if the emotional connection we once shared wasn't enough. I'm just too broken I think. To add insult to injury I recently asked his brother if it would bother him if I removed him from facebook since he and I never got along and it just bothered me that he could see what was happening in my life. He got belligerent and called me the c word and pretty much told me that my car wasn't really mine and that all I am is a moocher and worthless. He made me feel even more worthless by telling me that all I do is lie and my next husband will have to deal with my fat ass.

Really?! As if he knows anything about the situation. He has three kids, and I don't butt in on his business but he feels he can go and accuse me of not letting Roman's father see him. Further more neither of them feel they should have to pay for their children. You want to have access to them but you don't want to help support them because you think their mothers are thieving whores. Seriously! I'm overly upset about the whole ordeal and I just can't let it go because there's things that people don't see and could never understand. I can never understand why a father wouldn't want to support his child and would go out of his way to not get paid so the other parent doesn't get child support. I just don't understand.

Onto happier things since I'm beginning to get more upset than I need to right now. Roman, Zach and I went to the ocean last friday and then Dad (grumpy), Roman and I went on Saturday. Roman likes to demolish the sandcastles we tried to build for him, which I chalk up to being a boy. Dad buried Roman and he didn't really enjoy not being able to move. He was fine when we just buried his legs as long as he could see his toes. I love taking Roman to the beach, he is so full of energy that it's amazing. I'm so blessed to have him.

Yesterday I bought him size 9 shoes, wow does time fly it seems like just yesterday that I was in labor and crying for the nurse to make him get out. Now he's almost 2! Baby Bo, My cousin just turned 1! Time flies! I'll be graduated in just barely 3 weeks time, I can't believe it. Before I know it my son will be the one graduating college with his two cousins and I'll be alone again. Maybe by then I'll have gotten it right in the love department by then and will have found my actual soul mate. God do I sound lame.