Pathetic

"You shattered my world of glass. Leaving me standing in a blood filled puddle of dreams." How can someone who supposedly wanted to spend the rest of their life with you let you just walk away? How can that same someone be SO UNBELIEVABLY COLD? Every time I needed something emotional from him nothing, but when I asked for something financial he could make it happen. Now all of a sudden nothing, it’s his way or the highway. Then I look back on the memories of our relationship and it was always that way. When I wanted to get a job to help us, he wanted to bowl and wanted me to support his decision. I did, because I believed that I wouldn’t have been a good partner if I didn’t support his decision. He in turn didn’t support mine; accept for the desire to finish school. That was the only one he supported. It’s funny how in a relationship one person has more power, even if only by a little. He was that person. He didn’t need me, he just wanted someone to be there at the end of the day to sleep next to but he didn’t want a partner in life. I wasn’t okay with coming in second and never having my emotional needs noticed, which led me to many problems, which I’m not going to rehash at this moment. I’m tender enough as it is. I genuinely needed him, not just for financial support but the emotional stuff to. I was attached to him fully, but he never was to me. I don’t actually think he can emotionally attach himself to anyone now that I step back and take a look (as best as I can). I won’t ever be over the destruction of one of the most important relationships in my life but since it’s finally over and I can get as much closure as possible out of it I can move on. I have best friends who love me and are there for me, night or day. I don’t need someone who doesn’t need me, let alone want me. I need someone who is loyal and doesn’t have to one up me every time I share a piece of my life.
At the moment I feel something like this, “Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together. It's so curious: one can resist tears and 'behave' very well in the hardest hours of grief. But then someone makes you a friendly sign behind a window, or one notices that a flower that was in bud only yesterday has suddenly blossomed, or a letter slips from a drawer... and everything collapses.” I feel like I’m made of glass and will break at any moment, but I realize now that I shouldn’t settle for second best. I deserve to get everything I ask for because I am a catch.
I cook, I clean, I’m emotionally present, I care about sports, I know a little about cars, I believe every guy needs guy time frequently, I don’t hog the bed, I enjoy sex, even though sometimes I’m moody I can almost always tell you why even if you can’t, I do laundry, I’m self motivated, I love my family, and really the list goes on but I am sick of the let down really. I wonder if I’ll ever really get over the divorce. I feel like I should do something extreme. I’m not sure what exactly though. I feel like a failure that I couldn’t stick it out but I couldn’t take being ignored and having my feelings and needs not count, because they do. I have to believe they do, that I as a person matter and should be treasured. When someone makes that serious of a commitment you never think it’s going to end, and when it does you try to pick up the pieces which in theory is easy. The execution of said plan isn’t. Especially when there’s the constant reminders.